It's amazing how everything unnecessary is violently ripped out of my hands in order for me to realize that I have so much time to focus on things that I have the ability to positively change.
I’ve always thought that I was a multitasker ; someone who could do a million things at one time. I do it, being a God of some sort, being able to watch the Good Doctor while doing my homework or talking on WhatsApp while listening to a video while formatting a blog post for class.
It’s mostly a lie. When I try to multitask , I find myself forgetting about long term plans I have in mind.
When I started losing people and opportunities in my life I knew something was up.
That my day to day schedule was changing. That I'm going to have to readjust my life into doing things differently. I cried. Change is important to me. I think about how routines work and how difficult it's going to be to go against what my body is used to.
Watching a tornado spin and I'm caught up and somehow trying to go in the other direction. Going against the waves, the water constantly smacking my face as punishment; a message to do as my brain remembers, to never fight against, to never resist.
One night i found myself tweeting but for no bird to hear. A silent cry for freedom.
“If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging”- Will Rogers
I had to take a step back to see what I was doing wrong.
"Is being busy a burden?"
It shouldn't be. Mostly because being busy means to have a great deal to do.
We can have the thought to have a great deal of things to do rather than being productive and being able to produce and actually achieve those same tasks you're doing.
I noticed a few evenings ago when I actually had time to spend an evening by myself, without violently puncturing the keys on my keyboard- sending an email or writing an essay.
It took me a while to learn the difference between being busy, and being productive.
I had so much time to be productive that I have completed all of my assignments and could focus on myself, my mental health and sleep . I had the option to decide if I wanted to use my laptop, because I was so ahead of things. it's a good feeling to be able to breathe; to unapologetically sleep at 8pm
To put my phone on DND and have a good nights rest, Being able to complete the next 24 hours to the best of my potential.
Where relationships are concerned, Being busy shouldn't be something that we concern ourselves with.
We find ourselves busy because we like the thought of being unavailable, saying we don’t have time to be free rather than making the time to be open and unlimited for the ones we love.